This entry was born in the early, warm, morning of a summer day still cloaked in Night’s shiny mystic. Inspiration came after too much consumption of carbonated sugar drinks and even sweeter Mexican candy rumered to contain high traces of lead. In the “new house”, nicely situated in the heart of very dusty mountains in Hemet, CA, my new permanent residence, I sit on the uncomfortably sticky faux suede couch waiting for my bloated stomach to retract. I guess I may as well start thinking about the past and the future, better now than when I lay on my bed and shut my eyes hoping the Sand Man will come sooner tonight than the previous nights before.
The word path jumped into my view from an image displayed on this new blogging site am currently using for the first time. It’s a very convoluted and inherently evil word…to me.
At first, it makes you think one thing then completely morphs into a creature you never grew up knowing, sort of like that friend you had when you were younger and always assumed he or she was destined for an immaculate life, but one day realized something went terribly wrong and now you avoid him or her when you see him or her at the supermarket. The word, PATH, seems to carry a sense of sincere ambition, almost divine. But what you find is when you get the chance to actually step upon your “chosen path” it’s nothing more than a dark void always making you question your choices and confusing you, in addition to teaching you to forgive yourself for your stupid choices and conclude to “learn” from them, when really you just want to punch yourself into a state of unconsiousness and wish you never made that choice in the first place.
What’s ones” path” in, or of, life anyway but to be destined to sometimes enjoy their choices, which in turn “create” this so called illusory path of life, yet other times find folly in them. This, in turn, causes one to be controlled by this love/hate situation in which one unconsciously brings upon themselves. Maybe it’s a masochistic inner need one doesn’t know one possesses?
There are many things in this life we may or may not want and in the end they simply are JUST choices. What matters, or is the matter, is the impact these mere choices have on our personal and professional lives. Happiness, or be even, contentness, or, for some, eternal sadness and solitude, is the driving matter of what a path is. I realized life is just a collection choices made preemptively since we don’t know exactly what we want nor do we care sometimes care to heed the past or prepare for the future but what a lot of us tend to do is to wane in the here and now for as long as humanly possible. Some people hope, others pray, some don’t do anything and let bygones be bygones, but in the end, GUESS WHAT? It’s still a choice we MADE; Choices want no action nor do they need it.
Choices are all around us, what we eat, what we wear, when we decide to brush our teeth, how long we brush for, for fuck sakes, these little choices will be the epitome of us all. Not one, but the whole beastly bunch will combine in an ugly, and yet handsome, bouquet of failures, triumphs, almosts and never agains.
I don’t know what I want to say with this first blog, but maybe it’s this. It’ll be my first time I exhibit any sort of my writing to public view. This blog is meant for me to review and write about my daily life to any willing reader. (It’ll ease me into the ninth gate of hell known as “constructive criticism”.) I hope you are enthused, offended, curious and most importantly not put to sleep by me. That’s what institutionalized education and work is for.
Enjoy the rest of your day.