How can emptiness fill someone up? How can a void be so heavy to carry around? How can a glimpse provide thousands of memories? So many questions and really no answers, maybe it’s a fruitless search that should never be taken on.
I’ve passed through the last few days in a hurried haze, actively avoiding eyes. I feel sick. I’ve felt this way for almost three whole days. Nothing physically the matter, just feeling like everything I knew about myself is shaken. It’s scary when one must reevaluate almost every aspect of one’s life. Like it was all really flimsy and never had legs, when you swore it all really did and you could have taken a bullet for it all, but now you step back from the barrel of the gun.
I’m glad for one thing though. The stability and comfort of one’s good friends. P and J were people, two years ago, I didn’t know even existed. Now I feel like they are my only solid thing here. Glad for it. Hoping one day when we’re all out of this place, we’ll look back upon this place with fond memories and we’ll make more fond memories as Time allows.
Hafez: (persian poet)
From now on, that tall spruce has my command
Whose graceful stature uprooted me from the land.
I wish not for song and wine, unveil your face
Cause your beauty my passion’s fire has fanned.
No face can be the mirror of bridal chamber of Fate
Except one upon which stallion hooves stand.
I spoke of my secrets, said just be with your sorrows
My patience has run out, do you hear what I demand?
O hunter, leave my deer and let it live
Be ashamed of its eyes, with that rope in your hand.
My earthly life is feeble, weak, impotent
How can I kiss those lips, majestic, grand?
Hafiz, let your heart be tied by a hair strand
Madmen better remain in chain and band.
I don’t know why I chose this, I liked it. Hope you do too.