24. When emotions move you to do something irratic.
Sometimes emotions can move so much, cause so much change that by the end of it, you’ve changed in some drastic way.
I felt fine today. It felt like any regular day, but as I walked in the cold back to my apartment, I could feel my fingers getting more and more numb, in spite of this, I walked unnerved. I kept a slow pace, watching my toes peep up from my long pants as I took very long and slow strides. By the time I reached my apartment my neck was sore.
What I came upon was a simple thought, a recollection, induced by my immediate latching onto of my computer and the words FACEBOOK. From a mere photo of a boy, floods of uneasiness and sadness came upon me. My mind’s ability to become brilliantly absent minded to the past haunts the present when recollections take precedence in my immediate reality.
I can forget so well, but unexpected things can trigger the memory that can cut like a razor so quickly like the bad times were just yesterday, a turning and walking away, no sight at the airport, not a glimpse in the streets; it was all taken away as quickly as it had come.
I tried to fill the hole with someone else, something else. But no matter how much I neglect it all, I’ve slowly realized I can’t. I still hold onto something that’s been lost for almost two years now.
The mistake of trusting that someone else was humanizing, but I would rather have taken a lonelier route.
I learned something indeed. Never let those who you think are good, into your mind, your thoughts and your life, until they’ve proven it to you. Be cautious. And never mix up your thoughts or feelings, take time to calm down and figure it all out before you make irratic decisions when you’re emotional and silly.