25. P.S. I think I Believe in Love again.
Dear Someone Anyone.
It’s Friday night and I’m so tired but I can’t sleep. Davis is so cloistered, clustered and fucking ambiguous.
I can get so caught up in the motions of my schedule, I miss to smell the grass that’s waving in the wind and this makes me sad.
I hate that I can get so caught up in my schedule, yet I want more than what’s on my plate…conundrum of conundrums. I want to be doing more, but my current status keeps me down…making me additionally more depressed about my action-less life. I feel like I need more “hands on” work and less, cellular/molecular/looking through a microscope/reading research papers type of lifestyle.
Another fix I’m in is that I love it all of research. The only thing I dislike is the limiting aspect of research in terms of the more humanistic interaction a hospital setting can provide. I think the solution lies in my acting in and part of several labs withing my lab. I need to work more in an integrated form and show my interest actively…so my boss says.
JW, my boss at the Center for Mind and Brain, is a smart person and I can see the determination and passion he has for research.
I wish my interior fervor for science reflected outwardly as much.
But all I can do is try to be more like him, more grounded and put and set things onto a priority list…MOST importantly, I MUST BEGIN TO LOVE USING MY GOOGLE CALENDAR! It’s gonna be God-send once I get a tech with internet access so I can modify my schedule more and more and on the go. KEY TERM: on the go. can’t wait for an iphone dammit.
Life’s a schedule you gotta plan to be spontaneous about. Love that conundrum, my life seems to be full of them. This blog is so incredibly rapid and vapid. I can’t think straight, my mind wanders to the trail mix sitting to my right. 🙂
A. G. R
P.S. I think I believe in Love again.